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Behind closed doors it was a different story. Gary treated me with a dizzying blend of over-involvement, neglect, overindulgence and cruelty. With Svengali-like skill, he quickly took over every ct of my life, dictating what I wore, to whom I talked, even what toys I used. Gary dictated what I wore, to whom I talked, even what toys I used. He also strove to monopolize my time - an easy accomplishment since my mother left for work before I awoke and didn't return until evening.

During the school year, this meant Gary had me all to himself for an hour each morning and at least three hours every afternoon. Once summer came, he had me all day, every day, all to himself. This meant being subjected to daily "training sessions" - intense periods when I was explicitly instructed on how to behave and think like a slave.

Much like a dog must be trained to sit, to stay, to heel, practitioners of sadomasochism believe a sex slave must be trained in how to speak, sit, serve. In short, like a dog, she must be taught total obedience. Gary's dungeon was in the basement. Instead, he left a series of nails and hooks attached to the ceiling beams, which could quickly and easily hold a harness, a rope or some other type of bondage device.

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While much of Gary's paraphernalia had to be kept hidden, I could tell he also had some fun in displaying a few tools of his trade.

The dog cage, for instance, was left in plain sight - folded up in a cluttered corner where it appeared to be waiting for the next garage sale. He also kept a wooden paddle hanging on the wall of his home office, which he jokingly told guests was for "errant children. Nor did most people realize that he kept a set of metal handcuffs in his desk drawer, right next to a stun gun and his handgun.

I can't remember being threatened with the gun - although it may have happened. Due to amnesia, as well as the normal forgetfulness of memory, there are many details about my abuse I can't recall. I know this because, over the years, eyewitnesses have told stories about my abuse that I cannot personally remember.

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I do, however, remember Gary threatening me with the stun gun repeatedly. He even used it on me once. Once was all it took.

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For after experiencing the excruciating, utterly indescribable pain it inflicted, I never, ever wanted to experience it again. When he wasn't hurting me, he lavished me with parental attention. On the long drives to and from school, he would initiate conversations about history, politics and art.

We ate nearly every meal together while he instructed me on things like table manners and ethnic cuisine. He gave me my first typewriter and influenced my decisions to become both a writer and psychologist.

He took the time to open up the world for me. He was my first and most significant mentor. Under my mother's care, I'd been neglected and deprived. She was constantly at work, leaving me alone and lonely. Gary preyed on that loneliness. Like any skilled pedophile, he identified what I needed, and he gave it to me. He made me feel special, talented, smart.

Even sexually, staying on Gary's good side had its advantages. For once he felt I had become sufficiently trained and submissive, most of the torture tapered off. Afternoons in the basement were replaced by the bedroom. And his fervor to cause me pain was replaced with a passion to bring me pleasure.

I suspect it made him feel powerful - like more of a man. Nearly every day at 4 p. The weird part, of course, was that his "lover" was just under four feet tall and weighed less than 60 pounds.

There was also the inconvenient fact that his official lover, my mother, refused to vanish. Unable to ditch her physically, he did it emotionally instead. Every evening, he locked himself in his home office. Every weekend, he went to his store. As I was expected to work for him, I followed wherever he went. Very early on, my mother began to notice this pattern, and she didn't like it. Not one bit. Being immature, she didn't handle the situation with grace.

She felt excluded, which she was. So she began to yell a lot, mostly at me. One particular Saturday morning we had probably been living with Gary for about six weeksI was in the bathroom getting dressed for the flea market, just as I did every weekend. But my mother wasn't happy, so she stood in the doorway, whining. You oughta be staying home with me.

Just then, Gary came into the hall.

My mother cornered him. Gary, as always, remained calm during my mother's onslaught. Nonchalantly, he remarked, "Why don't you let Mooch decide what she wants to do today? She's perfectly capable of choosing. With one quick remark, he had abdicated all responsibility for the situation.

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Instead, all blame was now placed squarely on me. At 8 years old, I was being asked to choose between my mother and Gary. It was not a real decision, of course. Gary knew this. If I chose Gary, he would immediately whisk me away from my mother's ranting - and probably offer some kind of reward. But if I chose my mother, there would be no one to protect me from Gary.

Crossing him would mean paying for my sins. So, I chose Gary, and my mother flew into a jealous rage. I'm your mother! You're staying with me! But Gary was already whisking me out the door. It was with this kind of scene that Gary was able to drive a wedge between my mother and me. I am certain that if Gary could've gotten rid of my mother entirely, he would have.

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He lobbied hard to adopt me, but my mother resisted. Despite being naive in many ways, she knew that if Gary became my legal parent, he would dump her and seek full custody. Thankfully, she never fell for the trap. Still, I'm astonished that she chose to stay with a man whose deepest desire was to kick her to the curb and steal her young daughter.

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Garcia says she's embarrassed to play kids' games now that she's a mother - but admits "sometimes I still play tag in the water with my brothers. The pandemic has made the situation worse. With Manila under a strict lockdown - including limited access to medical facilities, no public transportation and harshly enforced rules on not going out - access to birth control has been severely curtailed, particularly for teenagers, said Hope Basiao-Abella, adolescent reproductive health project coordinator for Likhaan, a nongovernmental organization that works on women's health and access to contraception.

The University of the Philippines Population Institute is predicting a baby boom in - an estimate additional unplanned pregnancies because of the conditions created by the pandemic. The main reasons for the high rate of teenage pregnancies are inadequate sex education some girls do not know that having sex can result in pregnancy or fully consider the responsibility of having children and a lack of access to birth control.

Contraceptive access has long been a complicated, divisive issue in the Philippines.

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Despite a constitutional separation of church and state, Catholic morals dominate Philippine law. For more than a decade, reproductive health activists and legislators fought a bitter battle with the Catholic Church and conservative politicians to pass a law that would allow the government to distribute contraceptives to those who could not afford them and require comprehensive sex education in public schools. Outside the Quiapo Church in Manila, some vendors sell herbs, roots and bottled pills used to induce abortion - which is illegal in all circumstances in the majority-Catholic country.

In the past, the Catholic Bishops Council of the Philippines preached - in public statements, on the pulpit and through allied lawmakers - against a bill to widen access to birth control on moral grounds, calling it "anti-life" and "a major attack on authentic human values and on Filipino cultural values.

The Philippines passed a reproductive health bill into law in But years of Supreme Court challenges and delays in implementation continue to this day. Among the concessions to conservatives was a provision requiring parental consent for minors to buy contraceptives or receive them for free.

The Jose Fabella Memorial Hospital serves low-income communities in Manila, where the rates of teen pregnancy are high. Locals call it the "baby factory" a?? and the maternity ward is typically very busy. Juan Perez IIIexecutive director for the Philippine Commission on Population and Development. The law improved access to birth control for women, but it became harder for teenagers to get birth control.

To address the resulting uptick in adolescent pregnancies, lawmakers have introduced bills improving access to contraception, supporting sex education and making it illegal to expel girls from school should they become pregnant.

None have become law so far. Perez said a teenage pregnancy has a significant impact on perpetuating poverty. That was the finding of a study by the United Nations Population Fund.

By age 20, a teenage girl in the Philippines who gets pregnant and drops out of school earns 87 percent of the average year-old woman's pay. Perez said the lower income continues further into adulthood. Joan lives with 16 relatives on a small raft of bamboo poles and scavenged wood, tied to a broken cement pylon, bobbing behind a row of steel shipping vessels docked in Manila's fish port - a patchwork of spaces no larger than two king-size mattresses.

Two of her sisters' babies and a kitten nap on a pile of rumpled sheets against a particle board barrier to keep them from falling into the murky, gray water.

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Sisters Joan left and Jossa Garcia rightboth teen mothers, are seen in their home in the Navotas fish port with their children, Angela and JM, respectively. Like Joan, her older sisters had babies when they were young and left school before they graduated. No woman close to her has ever had a good job.

Her mother occasionally finds a day of work cleaning mussels on the concrete floor of the fish port. Her father brings in some money doing odd jobs at the port. The family is often hungry and thirsty, and survives by begging sailors for food and water.

Yet the current government wants to see changes.

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The government now believes that the country's birthrate of 2. So after decades of policies that limited access to contraception informed by a Catholic ethos to procreate, government agencies are now acting with a new urgency to bring the birthrate down.

If households have fewer children, Perez said, it will improve the family members' chances of getting out of the mire of poverty. Yet the reproductive health laws in the Philippines - aimed at stemming population growth - are yet to have that impact. And the people who suffer are the urban poor. Risa Hontiveros knows the limits of the laws, the complexity of the issue and the danger of losing hope.

The work of improving access to birth control, Hontiveros said, "were passed on to us by those who came before us, they struggled, and they fought. They won some, and they lost probably more, but they passed on to us better situations that they started out with.

Joy Villanueva dropped out of high school when she got pregnant at 14, in seventh grade.

Her boyfriend, four years older, wooed her with afternoons out, buying her fried quail eggs on a stick and paying for rounds on the karaoke machine at a local hangout.

Joy Villanueva, 15, holds her baby.

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The slums where her family lived had burned down; they hope to build a new shack to replace the home they lost. He was tall and handsome, and she liked that he did chores around the house and washed the dishes for his mother. Soon she was living with him. For her boyfriend, getting Joy pregnant was a mark of ownership.

Joy resisted, but he persuaded her to have sex. By the time she gave birth, he was in jail for theft, and she was raising the baby with help from his mother. The day we met, the three of them were living together in a makeshift home of little more than a tarp supported by planks of wood - they had set it up after their slum had burned down a week before. At 15, Joy dreamed of finishing high school, going to college and becoming a police officer.

That was what her late father wanted for her when she was a little girl. She said that any day now, she'll move in with her mother, who will take care of the baby while she goes to class.

Joy Villanueva said she hopes to fulfill her father's dream for her and becoming a police officer - but later admitted that's an impossible dream for a poor teenage mom.

If Joy is able to complete her schooling, she said she wants to own a big house made of concrete with air conditioning and glass windows. She wants to have a nanny to take care of her kids so she can wake up every morning, check her uniform in the mirror and go to work.

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For 20 minutes, she told me about her plans for the future. But when I said a word of encouragement, Joy went silent, looked away and shook her head. Hindi nashe said. I can't anymore.

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It was a game of pretend. She shifted Ashley in her arms. Joy confessed that her mother has disowned her.

These titles contain scenes, themes, and general human behaviour which can be described as "perverted" in the broader sense, relating to the human psyche, and as such, not exclusively examples of sexual perversion, as there are many forms of perversion existing in the human mind which provoke shock, disgust, disbelief, and bewilderment in the average viever A "secretly made Israeli intelligence video recording" supposedly showing "former President Bill Clinton raping a year-old girl" is just more fake news At 8 years old, I was being asked to choose between my mother and Gary. It was not a real decision, of course. Gary knew this. If I chose Gary, he would immediately whisk me away from my mother's

So she can't go to live with her. Her husband's mother earns just enough to feed her and the baby. There's no money for notebooks or uniforms or college. They're trying to gather enough materials to build a shack so they don't have to continue living under a tarp.

Girls like Joy are classified among the poor, a vast category that encompasses 20 percent of Filipinos.

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Among teenage mothers of all income brackets, the poorest girls are the least likely to be able to finish their high school education after having their first child. Likhaan's clinic is a mile and a half down the road from where Joy lives. The organization advocates for reproductive health and fills the gap in services the government does not provide, like formal sex education, ready access to free contraception like IUDs and birth control implants.

Diane Vere, a community coordinator, leads workshops for teenagers from the surrounding slums. The topic is sex. Inevitably, when Vere turns to the page in the photo workbook that shows an array of penis sizes and shapes, the teenagers break into peals of laughter. They cover their eyes and hide behind one another. Vere fields their questions: Why are some bigger than others?

Why is that one crooked? She shows them an uncircumcised penis and tries to dispel the myth that a boy in this condition is dirty or incapable of impregnating women.

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Before the reproductive health law, there was no formal sex education in the Philippines, and to this day, the rollout remains patchy, fraught and very limited.

Teenagers cobble together information based on what their parents ventured to tell them, sermons from priests and whispers from one another, often gleaned from the Internet or old wives' tales. Was it true, the girls at the clinic class asked, that if you wash your face with a girl's first menstruation, it prevents pimples?

If a girl jumps from the third step of a ladder, would her period only last three days? Does masturbating make boys taller? Can you get pregnant if you have sex only once? While the teenagers were fascinated with the practicalities and hygiene of sex and puberty, they struggled to discuss the process of conception.

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Bring up the difficulties and cost of raising a child, Vere said, and the teenagers would shut down or quickly change the subject. Teachers often did not fare better. Some teachers had to be excused from a recent training because they couldn't control their laughter when frank discussions about sexual organs came up. Every acceptable word in Tagalog to describe sex or private parts is a euphemism: peanut, flower, junior, eggplant.

Teachers complain that every proper noun in this category is too vulgar to say out loud. With this combination of discomfort and lack of formal training on teaching sex, it is not surprising that 59 percent of Philippine educators said they had difficulty naming body parts, according to a survey by the United Nations Population Fund. In previous years, sex educators in schools preached abstinence, and anything beyond abstinence was limited to what the teachers knew.

Often it didn't extend beyond basic science and was heavily inflected with religious and personal beliefs. Basiao-Abella said one teacher told her students that condoms were murderers because they killed sperm.

She said a pastor told congregants that condoms spread AIDS, a mistaken belief reiterated by a sitting senator as recently as Scientifically proven," Sen. Vicente Sotto III erroneously stated during a public argument with another politician.

To address gaps in knowledge and uneven information, the Philippine education department is developing a comprehensive sexual education curriculum, which it had begun to roll out in the public school system before schools were closed by the pandemic lockdown. Much like 's reproductive health law, the process of developing the curriculum has been embattled.

Risa Hontiveros believes progress is coming, even if it's in fits and starts.

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Hontiveros, who sponsored one of the bills to prevent adolescent pregnancy and was at the forefront of the decadelong battle for the law, said the Catholic hierarchy continues to oppose legislation counter to its teaching but with "less of the stridency and less of the hostility than previously demonstrated.

In one of Manila's poor neighborhoods, a midwife prays to her saint, Ina ng Awathe mother of pity or compassion. The carved wood statue hanging on the wall of her home is oily and chipped from age.

A string of dried-out jasmine flowers hang from one outstretched hand, and on the other, the saint cradles a baby.



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