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I don't have abs because I'm not 'I need to be like a fit model with a perfect body. But if there's one thing she does love, it's looking her best for any occasion. Vergara admits she almost always wears lipstick, even if she's at home by herself. For good or worse, it's the way I grew up: Accept yourself but also be better than yourself.
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Britney Spears Speaks Out Against Sister Jamie Lynn in New Insta. It creates a perpetual anxiety for the survivor which is hard to put to rest. Most abuse is carried out by family members or people known to the victim. Many abusers are young men or teenagers.
Our current image of child sex abusers in Ireland, and our approach to them, may be putting young people at risk. If we are to keep children safe we may have to gain a new understanding of the problem and make some unpalatable changes to the way we deal with it. Sophie was four when her stepfather, Gerard, started to sexually abuse her.
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These are her earliest memories. She was 15 when he was arrested. He controlled my every move and everything my mum did. He also sexually abused my half-sister, his own biological child.
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Her biological father was taken away when she was three because he had sexually abused another sister, Rose, although he never harmed Sophie. Rose is a recovering addict.
Now in her early 30s, Sophie spent years in therapy, earned a PhD in counselling psychology and went on to work with other survivors of abuse. Today Sophie has a difficult message about how we deal with child abuse. Few would disagree with some of her advice. We need to listen to and educate children, she says.
We need to create stabler and healthier homes and work on better mental-health awareness and sex education. But Sophie also believes that we need to provide therapy to abusers before they abuse, therapy that might stop them from hurting children like her in the first place.
This means trying to see beyond our disgust at such crimes against children and to understand the factors that lead a person to commit them. Her views are echoed by others working in the field.
Kenneally was 36 when he started sexually abusing teenage boys in Waterford. Over three years he abused 10 victims. To keep them quiet he took photographs of the boys and told them that if they reported him he would claim that they enjoyed what he did.
Kenneally, related to a prominent Fianna Fail politician, admitted his abuse. He gave them the name of other boys whom he had abused. But he was convicted only this year, and now he is appealing his year sentence. Prisoners are not allowed to have contact with journalists, but The Irish Times has spoken to Kenneally through an intermediary and confirmed that the details published here are accurate.
We have done so because professionals working in the field say that his profile is fairly typical, and describing it can help to shed light on a complex area. Kenneally has co-operated for the same reason.
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Rather, he hopes that lessons can be learnt from his story. He grew up with a highly critical father he could never please and lacks any self-esteem. He felt inadequate and unwanted.
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Kenneally did not abuse primarily because he was sexually attracted to the boys, much as a rapist is not overcome with lust. But, perhaps worse, like most sex offenders he was asserting power, control and dominance over people who could not defend themselves. The Sexual Abuse and Violence in Ireland study, carried out in by the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland in association with Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, and published the following year, is the most extensive investigation of child sex abuse in Ireland.
This week One in Four, an organisation that provides therapeutic support and advocacy for adult survivors of child sexual abuse, said that it saw new and ongoing clients inof whom 43 per cent were men and 57 per cent women. Eileen Finnegan is clinical director of One in Four and the manager of Phoenix, a treatment programme for sex offenders that the organisation sees as a core part of child protection. In it worked with 38 offenders: 11 from Dublin and 27 from the rest of the Republic.
Three had abused their sisters, one had abused his daughter, one had abused his son and 11 had abused a niece, nephew or cousin. Outside of families, 11 had abused unknown children, one had abused a known child and nine had abused over the internet.
I looked at him and thought to myself, Nobody knows that you are a sex offender who has engaged in a treatment programme with us.
The man did not fit common preconceptions of what a sex offender looks like, she says. They can also have narcissistic traits. Abusers can appear to be highly functional. So even though I walked around with fear, anxiety and shame I still loved him.
We very rarely see paedophiles on the programmes. Mary Flaherty is chief executive of the Cari Foundation - also known as Children at Risk in Ireland - which provides therapy for sexually abused children. But Dr Nick Bankes, a clinical psychologist who works with offenders, says that of the hundreds of child sex abusers he has treated only about six may have been paedophiles.
And, although most sex abusers are men, about 10 per cent may be women. Some victims may be teens who kiss a young man who then goes on to assault or rape them. Others have been contacted by strangers over the internet and asked to engage in sexual acts on camera.
Between a quarter and a third of abusers are under 25, and many are teens. Mary Tallon and Joan Cherry are social workers with Northside Inter-Agency Project, a community-based treatment programme for children between the ages of 13 and 18 who sexually abuse.
The project also supports families, especially where, for example, a teenage son has sexually abused his sister. Athru, in Galway, and Southside Inter-Agency Team, in Dublin, provide similar services.
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We worked with one young lad who was feeling very controlled by his father; his sexual abuse of children was framed around how he was in control now. Other abusers may be angry at being bullied and take it out on younger children - although, of course, most bullying victims never abuse other children.
Tallon and Cherry say that intervention and therapy make young abusers less likely to reoffend. Without therapy they have the highest recidivism rate.
Dr Patrick Randall is a clinical and forensic psychologist who treats child abusers. Sophie, the abuse survivor who is now a counselling psychologist, says that public attitudes, inflamed by traditional and social media, have hurt her.
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They are not something out there: they are our brothers, father, uncles, sons and friends. My sister, who was abused by my father, says he should have his dick nailed to the floor and the building should be set on fire.
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Yet she is conflicted. Families can be torn apart by abuse. A caring mother, for example, might fall out with her abusive brother or partner, but the grandparents could then believe and side with the abuser. Sophie says that she has forgiven her mother.
James similarly has confused feelings about his brother.
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It took James many years to deal with the abuse. He first reported it to his older sister just before he started secondary school. She found the right words to put me at ease and kept me alive with her support and love. James later dropped out of college and moved to Galway, having confided in one or two trusted friends.
When he did open up, to a person who worked for the Rape Crisis Centre, he had a breakdown and was hospitalised for about six weeks. It tore through my family: I later learned that my uncle was hesitant to believe me, and thought I had imagined it.
At one point James wanted to bring his brother to court; his sister and mother supported him. But after making a statement he ended up back in hospital. His brother did send him a written apology. Nothing is enough.
Chopping off his arms and legs would not be enough. I have realised that the only way through is acceptance and forgiveness. Not for him but because it is what I need.
Part of One in Four's approach involves working with the families of victims. In the UK the Stop It Now! helpline encourages men or their families who are concerned about potentially harmful behaviour to get help before a child is abused.
In Germany, Prevention Project Dunkelfeld offers therapy to paedophiles and hebephiles who have not offended. In Ireland clinicians have lobbied for a Stop It Now! programme, to little avail. Bill Kenneally, the imprisoned abuser, claims that he could have been stopped. If, as therapists also advise, we are to develop more therapy for abusers and potential abusers, we must look beyond the revulsion that we feel about child abusers, beyond calls to castrate or jail them for life - simplistic solutions that leave children at risk.
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But even were this solution to be pursued as a policy there would be other obstacles. Few psychologists know how to support sexual offenders or want to take on such difficult work. Funding and infrastructure are also inadequate.